I hate being “home”.
It’s like a constant reminder of who I was and who I don’t want to be. I feel unimportant, unworthy, selfish. Every wall and person and street in this godforsaken city serves as a reminder of who I was and who I’m seen as.
I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m not the little girl with a single mom that needs pity anymore. I don’t want pity. I don’t want snide remarks relating me to how I’ve been a disappointment in the past. I want new trust and fresh perspectives and another chance at living the wreck of a life I have. I’m trying to get by. I’m trying to be the best person I can be. But it’s really hard when everyone has preconceived ideas about how I “always” am.
The world is a huge place. When in Elgin, I feel like this is all there is. And that’s an awful feeling.
